This Might Be Rude
Real-life stories of workplace civility, cultural collisions, and who gets to decide what is rude.
We all know what rude looks like. It’s clear as day when someone does something careless, or worse, something that seems intentionally offensive. In business, it’s even trickier. You’re expected to stay professional while someone walks around upsetting everyone. These things build up. Maybe it turns into resentment or worse, distrust. Either way, you start to think, you can’t trust them with your clients, your team, your brand. You certainly don’t want to deal with them!
But what if they’re thinking the same thing about you?
Rudeness feels common sense, but it is not an innate human virtue. Manners are taught and what is rude is dictated by the society in which you live. In short, manners are cultural and I’ve had the lucky (and occasionally awkward) experience of learning this firsthand.
So I’m kicking off a new series: true stories of real-life interactions, some awkward, some funny, some a bit cringey, where someone (or someones) definitely got it wrong. You decide who it was. Just make sure you read to the end. Things aren’t always what they seem.
In honor of the recent Father’s Day holiday in the U.S., let’s start with a story about a first time dad, a baby shower, and a well intentioned miscommunication.
Story 1: Party Foul
This story starts with a well-meaning U.S. based Manager who had just been put in charge of an office in southern India. It was a small office of about a dozen Indians from across the country, and me, a newly arrived U.S. immigrant there to head up the APAC Project Management team.
The office was still fairly new, and the manager was looking for ways to make the India team feel welcomed and included in the broader company culture. So, when they learned that one of the team members was going on paternity leave, it felt like the perfect opportunity.
The employee had shared on a recent department-wide call that he and his wife were heading to her family’s village so they could be near relatives for the birth. Since the leave plans were already public, the manager took the initiative to expense a gift for the expecting family and encouraged the local team to use the remaining budget to throw an office baby shower. They even moved a meeting so everyone could be free to gather and celebrate.
Seems really thoughtful, right?
So you can imagine the manager’s confusion when, a week later, they asked about the party on a team call, and the person they’d tapped to organize it quickly dismissed the topic. The whole team seemed disinterested, even uncomfortable.
I doubt the manager expected a personal thank you, but the silence probably felt... rude. I wouldn’t be surprised if they quietly wondered whether the party even happened, or if the money was used for something else. Either way, it never came up again. Not on any calls I was on. And there were no other company-funded events until the annual party.
What the manager didn’t know was that in this part of India, sending gifts or congratulations before the baby is born is seen as bad luck. While the team member himself wasn’t especially superstitious, in his culture, making a fuss over a pregnant wife before the delivery can feel like you’re inviting complications.
Of course, the employee didn’t say any of this to the manager, who was two levels above him. That would’ve been rude. But for a nervous first-time father, it probably stung a little.
And even though I worked in the same office, I was just as clueless about the cultural faux pas. I didn’t find out until after we got word that the baby had been born happy and healthy. Along with the shared excitement (and requisite baby pictures), the office rumor mill was buzzing about the awkward baby shower attempt.
Hoping to make it right, the local team planned a small, self-funded celebration for 21 days after the birth, timed to match what would be seen as appropriate and respectful. In their minds, it was a subtle way to smooth things over with their colleague, who was (they assumed) quietly offended, even if he understood it was well-intended.
So... which was ruder? Not acknowledging the baby shower, or accidentally telling a nervous new father that you hope his wife and child have a complicated delivery?
Who got it wrong? What would you have done differently? Leave your take in the comments!
And don’t forget to follow GCM Enterprises in LinkedIn where we’ll be sharing the full series over the coming months.
If you’re navigating cultural differences or leading a diverse team and want to avoid missteps like this, we can help. Email us at contact@gcmenterprises.com and let us see how we can help.
