I Hate to Admit it, but Icebreakers Work
We all know that feeling. It’s even worse on a Zoom call. You join a meeting and the host has the audacity to tell you to think of three things to share about yourself. Or worse, they pull out a drinking game like “Two Truths and a Lie”. You now have to desperately think of not one, but two interesting enough truths to not be a dud, but also not interesting enough to get you side eyed by HR.
The dreaded icebreaker. HR, public speakers, youth pastors, your boss fresh back from a leadership conference; they all love them. And as an unwitting employee paid to do a job whose description likely didn’t entail the mental gymnastics of sharing just the right kind of personal details, to these people they are the worst.
Given how much I empathize with the unwitting participants, you might be surprised to hear I actually think, when done right, icebreakers do more than just fill time; they unlock connection, trust, and creativity. Before you label me another Kool-Aid drinking capitalist Judas, let me say I was a very reluctant convert. I had so many reasons to hate icebreakers and, much like a childless person swearing they’d never give a toddler fast food, I was downright adamant that I’d never use icebreakers when I ran meetings.
Icebreakers are awkward. They put people in a weird position to have to think quickly, which inherently advantages the outgoing personalities. They can trip into so many social and cultural faux pas and, in diverse teams, accidentally tip toe into shaming or embarrassing your participants. It's so hard to do this right when you don’t know the culture, the history, and the personalities of everyone involved.
So, what changed my mind? As you might expect, it wasn’t an overnight switch. If I really think about it, I probably started to soften on icebreakers during my time living and working in Malawi. True to the stereotypes of the peoples of sub-saharan Africa, my Malawian colleagues were abundantly welcoming. Icebreakers, to them, were often the favorite part of a meeting. I remember one 3-day business conference with a room filled with entrepreneurs who had come to learn how to establish a successful business, leverage the available financial services, how to invest, keep books, and pick the right pricing tactics. This was a once a year conference, and, to a person, the work was taken very seriously. You can imagine my surprise when the organizer put not one but four icebreaker-like games in each day! And you know what, these chances to get up and move around the room personally greeting and speaking with the fellow participants and speakers one on one and in small groups, these times were reported as a highlight of the course. At first, I thought it was cultural. It's a very people-centric region. Icebreakers worked great in Malawi, but in the US they were still akin to war crimes.
Fast forward a few years; I was working for a US company in the Project Management Department. We were having our annual team meeting, and I was asked to present for half a day. The content was riveting, of course, but I was following a two-hour slug fest, where we would all be battling other departments, each other, and the leadership to get the resources we needed to complete the projects we’d all promised our high profile clients. Bonuses were on the line. Temperatures were bound to be running hot. As I looked at the time slot I started to wonder if I was being set up to fail. So, I took a hail mary. I threw in an icebreaker, a silly game that I’d seen used in a camp one time that let each person share a personal victory, talent or best joke. It took a moment to get the room into it, but you know what? It worked! The activity gave time for the team to brush off the bad feelings and focus on our shared humanity. We laughed, we applauded each other and we refocused. The temperature cooled, and I was able to deliver my presentation to an engaged audience.
So, icebreakers could work in the US too. By this point, I was starting to see their value, and I started trying them out in different places and different ways. Different games to get different outcomes. Different timing, different tasks, different delivery. Soon, the dreaded icebreaker became a powerful tool to build teams, focus groups, engage audiences, develop staff, and generate creativity. I was converted, but, as with most good things, there were still pitfalls. To avoid these, I developed a mental checklist to leverage everything I learned in making the most of this tool.
Know your goal
Icebreakers are tools. You can hang a painting with a gluegun, but it won’t be as effective as a hammer. Are you trying to build trust across departments? Spark creativity? Deepen a team’s bond? Get people thinking about your upcoming presentation? Each goal would be best served with different types of activities. When you know what you want to accomplish, it’s easy to find or generate an icebreaker to match.
Be realistic about timing
You are sacrificing presentation or working time to include an icebreaker. Be honest about how much time you can really give and still meet the goals of your meeting. Pick something that fits the slot you have. Got five minutes and 30 people? Don’t go around the room asking each person to speak. It will either be rushed or boring. Instead, break into pairs or small groups, or try a movement-based activity. Pick an icebreaker that can be meaningful in the time you have.
Plan for logistics
Think through the format. Are you on Zoom and need breakout rooms? Do you know how to use them? If in person, will you display the instructions or hand them out? Can people move around? Can your directions fit on a single slide? Clunky logistics can derail the moment, a little planning goes a long way.
Respect your audience
People have different comfort levels with sharing. This is your audience’s source of income; they may not feel comfortable revealing personal details for whatever reason. It’s a valid opinion and should be respected. Always offer a graceful opt-out, or design an activity that doesn’t require vulnerability. If your goal requires potential vulnerability to work, give people time to think before putting them on the spot.
Stay culturally aware
Even seemingly "neutral" activities can misfire if you’re not mindful. If your team spans continents or cultures, do a bit of research. Something harmless to you might be taboo elsewhere. When in doubt, run the activity by a colleague from that region. Better safe than unintentionally awkward.
“Icebreakers do not have to be personal questions. They can be games with shared goals, focused on your shared work, or a blend that lets people pick if they share personal details.”
The above five steps might seem like a lot, but it should take 30 minutes or less, and everything you learn you can apply to the next session to make that prep time even quicker.
In the end, icebreakers play into the humanity of your group. They can bond groups together with repeated uses on team calls. They can turn annoying peers into humans that you know and might give the benefit of the doubt. And when skillfully used, they prepare the audience for your topic. They are no panacea, but they are powerful, and, like the parent that understands sometimes you just need to get your kid to eat, you’d be a fool not to use them.
